The X Factor USA - Gamu's Revenge.

So America has snubbed our nations sweetheart. Thats right, despite only being in the job for two weeks, Cheryl Cole has been sacked from the X Factor USA and her job has been given to co-host Nicole Sherzinger! The papers are claiming her thick Geordie accent is to blame, but they're also saying she didn’t have any chemistry with Paula Abdul. Personally I think there's a lot more to it then that and the whole story raises a lot of questions.

So: Was hiring Cheryl a publicity stunt in the first place? Was she always going to be sacked to gain publicity for the show? Why was the news released on the same day as the American Idol final? Did Paula get jealous of Cheryl and Simon’s relationship? Was Nicole Sherzinger always there as a replacement judge? Did Gamu instigate the whole thing, in some sort of evil genius revenge plot? Is it just a coincidence that Cheryl gets the sack the day after Geordie Shore airs on TV? Who Knows?

All we do know is that FOX have shown Cheryl the door and her so-called best friend has stabbed her in the back. So what happens for Cheryl now? Is she come back to the UK X Factor? Will she save our version from imploding? Or is she going to throw her dummy out the pram and tell Cowell to shove his show where the sun don’t shine?

If she does come back and that’s a big if, she should make a few demands. The first one should be making sure she's the head judge. If she returned, she would be the most senior judge on the panel (Louie doesn't count) and therefore should get the best chair. Gary Barlow shouldn’t automatically get it, just because he's replacing Simon. It would also give her a little bit of dignity which she needs right now. She should also demand a pay rise from Cowell. Not that she needs the money but it’s the least he can do after the way she's been treated. And finally she should demand that Danni Minogue is reinstated immediately. That last part isn't going to happen but now Cheryl understands how Danni's been treated over the past couple of years she should fight her corner.

The thing is if he plays it properly this won't destroy her career. Ant and Dec tried their hand in America and failed miserably, no one remembers that. Robbie Williams didn't make it in America, Oasis didn't make it in America and it hasn't made the slightest difference to them. No, as long as Cheryl gets her head straight and doesn't run into the arms of Ashley Cole she will be fine.

The idea situation of course is that she comes back as head judge and saves our version from imploding into a big old chavvy NDUBZ mess. By doing that she will immediatly reinstate herself as the nations sweetheart and make sure the X Factor reigns as the best reality TV show out there.

UPDATE: If you thought the speculation of Cheryl getting the job on X Factor USA was exhausting, it's just got a whole lot worse. Now we get to read about whether she's going to be on the UK show or not. According to todays reports, she's gone on a complete sulk and is refusing to come back, thus commiting career suicide and leaving us with Tulisa! I'll update more on Wednesday which is when we will have our offical panel but for the love of god can someone just hand Danni a wad of cash and put her on a Qauntas flight! Now!