The Vanessa Show - A serious affair.

A little while back, on hearing it had precious few viewers, we reviewed The Vanessa Show. Recently, I noticed Channel 5 had pulled it from its morning slot and stuck it after Neighbours. As a service to you kind reader, I thought I'd check it out, to see if there had been any changes. Well the set was the same bedsit affair. Same Vanessa and Ben. Except Ben now has glasses and a, sort of, goatee. Perhaps this was to emphasise the more serious air, because the show itself has become more issue led. All the celeb stuff seems to have been given the elbow. Jenny Eclair was in the studio, so I rest my case. First issue off the rank was Should men cry? And was it dull. I have to admit after five minutes, or so, I nearly broke down in tears. That subject pummelled into the ground, next up we got Do women have to be tough in the workplace? And this was every bit as dire. But my interest was peeked when one of the guests was described as a 'sofa surfer'. Just as I was wondering what that entailed and what level of skill it took to surf on a sofa. The other guest was also called a sofa surfer. Then I fell in, sit on the sofa on The Vanessa Show and you re a, you guessed it, a sofa surfer. This whole sorry affair was rounded off by a swift chat with Jenny Eclair, so swift she barely had time to plug her upcoming gigs. There's good news if you have serious masochistic tendencies, after Vanessa you can switch to ITV and catch the Alan Titchmarsh Show. The horror... The horror. Over.

The Vanessa Show

I read somewhere this week that the Vanessa Show, is only pulling in 40,000 viewers a day. So, always a fan of minority activities, let's face it how many people are reading this? I decided to tune in. And oh boy is it dull. It's not even incompetent or funny, just dull. It's not exactly helped by the set, which looks like an open plan bed sit. But what the show most resembles is one of those programmes you find when you go on a mad channel hop. Down there on Propeller or the Caravan Channel. Although I think I'm doing the Caravan Channel a disservice.

Vanessa is her usual shouty self and she is accompanied by her real life partner Ben. Ben looks uncomfortable and ill at ease, like a kid visiting a mad aunt. But on the up side today's guests were Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. No sorry, that should be Josie and John James from last year's Big Brother. My mistake. They wittered on as I hit the fast forward button. Plus six seemed to do the trick and I think I still got the gist. That was followed by a very long, dull segment with a dream whisperer, or something. Vanessa had trailed this item by saying can you make money out of your dreams? But that wasn't followed up as every caller said they had dreams their teeth were falling out. The irony that most of the small band of viewers were probably dropping off at that moment, seemed lost on our intrepid heroes. Next up on this smorgasbord of delights was a gossip segment. Where the collected brains trust felt sorry for Alex Reid and thought Ricky Gervais was funny. Then all too swiftly, it was over. But, oh boy had they saved the best until last. Ben got up and sang about the week on the Vanessa Show. I kid you not. He went through all the guests and all that had happened. Not a lot, seemed to sum it up. What made it even more cringe-worthy was the fact Ben has a good voice. So he was taking it seriously. I don't think I'll tune in next week. Well not until Ben's singing spot anyway.

Over.

The Vanessa Show - Weekdays on five at 11am.