JB'S Chase - Door Bashing, Bad Dialogue and Waylon Jennings.

Shows these days should come with a warning before they start. THIS SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELLED. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. If there had been such a notice before Jerry Bruckheimer's Chase, I could have turned off after five minutes. But, like an idiot, I ploughed on.

Well, Jerry Bruckheimer's Chase started, as you might expect, with a chase. But there was a twist, it was through a rodeo, well if you've got to have a chase, it might as well be through a rodeo. Our hero US Marshall Annie Frost scampered around bulls and knocked over clowns to get to the perp. Then, while chocking him into unconsciousness, we learnt that her mother had died while she was eight. J.B.'s Chase is that kind of show, we learn everything while things are moving at a hundred miles an hour.

The programme centres around a group of dogged, happy in each others company, US Marshals. We got to know the ins and outs as they explained them to new boy, Desperate Housewives, Jesse Metcalfe. They did that annoying Criminal Minds thing where each character utters a sentence and the next character takes it up without a pause. Does that ever happen in real life? I'd love to see it. Anyway Jerry Bruckheimer's Chase would love to be Criminal Minds, but it just doesn't have the Poe faced intensity, or quality for that matter. The daffy pilot episode had our intrepid heroes chasing a mad fugitive who was obsessed with the music of country singer Waylon Jennings, I kid you not. Which prompted Annie to sing a Waylon song down the line to the killer. It was such a mad scene that even Leslie Nielsen would have struggled to keep a straight face. At times the dialogue was so bad it made Steven Seagal's True Justice look like The Shield. So all we really got was the squad bashing in doors and shouting 'clear', while being two steps behind their, none too bright, quarry. In fact, you got the feeling these idiots couldn't catch chlamydia in Magaluf.

The show ended dull and predictable. They got their man, more through luck than skill, and celebrated the fact in a bar, all big pals. A little earlier we had learnt, between verses of Waylon Jennings, that Annie's 'daddy' hadn't been there for her when she was growing up. Which makes me guess that, at some point, Annie would be chasing her 'daddy'. Perhaps as a cliffhanger to a second season that never came.

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Falling Skies - Drenched In Sentimentality.

Falling Skies ended its first season with the obligatory cliff hanger, as Tom Mason (Noah Wyle) entered the alien ship for some sort of negotiation. The poor creatures don't stand a chance, they will be obliterated by his self righteousness and dogged determination. I can envisage their heads exploding like something out of Mars Attacks!

That has been the problem with Falling Skies, any decent ideas and situations, and there have been one or two, have either been drenched in sentimentality or bludgeoned to death with rhetoric. So scenes that were supposed to be moving or stirring were neither. Another gripe I have is that too many of the supporting characters failed to pop. It was just herds of them, in the background, looking determinedly stoic or stoically determined. Only three have really made an impression. Noah Wyle was good, but basically just John Carter with a beard and rifle. Then there was Will Patton as Captain Weaver, I mentioned, in an earlier review, he seemed like Lloyd Bridges in the Hot Shots films. But that was in the earlier episodes. As the season wore on he became daffier and daffier until he resembled a cross between Foghorn Leghorn and Captain Bligh on speed. The real scene stealer has been John Pope (Colin Cunningham) the anti hero type, who looks like he should be fronting a 'prog rock' band. At least his character jumped out of the dull background. A few more like him and a little less self righteousness and I might actually be looking forward to the second season of Falling Skies.

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Mount Pleasant - Like A Daz Advert... But Not As Good

We all have shows we just don't get. I don't get Flight of the Conchords, whizzes right past me. And then there is The Mighty Boosh which nobody gets, or likes, outside of a Student Union bar. Now I can add to that list Sky's new 'comedy drama' (their words not mine) Mount Pleasant.

Set in a Northern suburb and purporting to be a tale of day to day life, I just didn't get it. What it most resembled was those Daz adverts with all the old soap stars in, only not as good. Everything seemed day-glo, over the top and stuck in a time-warp, a bit like The Archers on acid. And just when you thought it couldn't get much worse, or more time-warpy, Bobby Ball appeared as, well, Bobby Ball really. The facial expressions and movements were all there, only missing was a 'rock on Tommy' to drag us all back to dull Saturday nights of the late 70's and early 80's.

I kept waiting for Mount Pleasant to kick into action. Will it turn weird like Twin Peaks, or get a little dark like Desperate Housewives? Neither was the answer. In fact, comparing this to Desperate Housewives is like comparing Bobby Ball to Bobby De Nero. The show lurched on for an hour with nothing much happening, just cardboard characters spouting the F word in place of anything remotely resembling witty, or humorous, dialogue. Safe to say I won't be tuning in again.

Sky's 'homegrown' programming is really floundering. We can now add Mount Pleasant to Thorne and Mad Dogs as lemons of the highest order.

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Lee Nelsons Well Good Show... Is It Well Good?

Is it wrong to judge a TV show on an advert?

If the saying ‘never judge a book by its cover’ is correct, then no you probably shouldn’t judge a TV show on the advert. But I can’t help myself. I figure if they’re putting these clips in the adverts then it must be the top stuff they have in the show because otherwise why would they show it.

So I’m going to do it again now. I am judging Lee Nelsons Well Good Show purely on the BBC3 advert, and I judge that it looks diabolical.

Like I said, I’ve never seen it so this is opinion is based solely on what I’ve seen from a BBC 3 advert, but it just seems that Lee Nelson belongs in the late 90’s, Released on the back of Ali G when lampooning the London geezer was in. Wait, is that what BBC 3 are trying to do? Are they trying to do their own version of Ali G, 15 years too late?

If they are trying to remake Ali G then they’re going the wrong way about it, as this the whole ‘Well Good Show’ seems well, stupid. Especially as it’s a character that you could probably do quite a lot with, and from what I’ve seen they haven’t if anything it looks a little lazy. I’ve heard quite a bit about Simon Brodkin about and he doesn’t seem like a lazy unimaginative comedian. In fact, from the interviews I’ve read he seems really quite funny. So, who knows maybe we have a Ricky Gervias - Extras ‘Is He Avin A Laff’ type situation on our hands?

In a world where Angry Boys, Outnumbered, Modern Family and The Inbetweeners rule the comedy land, Lee Nelsons Well Good Show just doesn’t seem like it fits. Thinking about it, it actually looks like an old Harry Enfield sketch, which of course is no bad thing at all; it’s just all a little bit too late...

But hey, this is purely based on an advert so I may be completely off the mark. If anything I’ve talked myself into watching it, I may even prove myself wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time!

The Borgias - Another Bonk, Blood & Stab In The Back Show.

The first episodes of The Borgias, with its endless rounds of voting, and covert dealings, seemed more like an average afternoon at F.I.F.A. than 15th century Rome. But then again, F.I.F.A. make the Borgia's look like the Waltons.

Yes, the show looks fantastic and has a strong cast, headed by Jeremy Irons, whose performance is not a million miles away from his Scar in The Lion King. But the trouble with The Borgias is where is its unique selling point? This whole blood, sex, and treachery, costume drama has almost become its own genre over the past seven or so years. Starting, really, with Deadwood and then Rome through to The Tudors, Spartacus and all brought beautifully together earlier this year with Game of Thrones. And now The Borgias, but like I said, where is its u.s.p.? Perhaps the answer is that it doesn't have one and both opening episodes did have that 'seen it all before' feel to them.

Of the above list, The Borgias is probably closest to The Tudors, and I think we all know how dull that could get at times. But it always had a high profile execution to look forward to and no show ever did executions better than The Tudors. Problem is, we're very familiar with this kind of bonk, blood, stab in the back, stuff. So these days, it has to really do something special to both catch and hold our attention. Spartacus does it by ramming the sex and gore at us, then sneaking the storyline underneath so you become hooked, but not too sure how. Game of Thrones went about it by combining all the elements and then balancing them magnificently.

Unlike the others, Game of Thrones does have the advantage of being based on a series of bestsellers, so knows where it is going. Something you hesitate to say about The Borgias, which looks like it will trundle along The Tudors path, but minus the excellent set piece executions.

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Scrubs - The Med School

How long ago did Scrubs actually ‘jump the shark’ I mean by my recollection it was probably half way through season 6 when Laverne died. Maybe I’m being harsh, perhaps it was when Kelso left as Chief of Medicine. Either way it jumped the shark a long time ago. But yet almost two and a half years on it has only just been cancelled.

I accidently caught the end of a new episode the other day. I haven’t watched since it moved to the Med School but I came across it whilst waiting for Two and a Half Men… and dear god that is not the show I knew or loved.

You see, I recognized the characters, I could see Dr Cox, I could see Turk and I could tell that one of them was being funny but it just wasn’t registering. I felt numb. It all looked so cheap and un-original. Under no circumstances can that show call itself Scrubs.

What you have to understand is that Scrubs was my favorite comedy show ever. It got me through three years of University. When I was bored/hung-over with nothing to do, Scrubs was my go to show. Which is why it’s demise upsets me so much.

From what I could see in the few minutes I watched was that the characters were pretty much the same. There was an insecure girl (Elliot) a cold-hearted girl (Carla) and a young guy learning from Doctor Cox (JD) The storylines looked pretty familiar to me as well. A young couple ‘hooking up’ in secret, Dr Cox trying to get the other young Dr to be more ruthless. The whole thing just seemed old and tired.

For me SCRUBS ended at the end of season 8. Whilst it was a really poor series the ending was pretty satisfying. Everyone was happy, everyone was in the job they were meant to be in and there really was no need to continue for another season. In reality it should never have moved to ABC. NBC should have treated it with a bit more respect and given it have a decent ending. By refusing to do that they've let a fantastic show be dragged down to an average show, ruining the legacy that Bill Lawrence and Zach Braff made. It definitely shouldn't have been allowed to continue without Zach Braff.

I would have loved to of brought the complete box set of Scrubs one day but now I know that’s not going to happen. I’ll keep my individual DVD’s and pretend this whole scrubs medical school thing never happened.

Unless I'm completely wrong. I am of course going on watching for five minutes. If you think it's just as good tell me. But somehow I can't see it.

I leave you with this Scrub clip to remind us of the good old days

The X Factor USA - Gamu's Revenge.

So America has snubbed our nations sweetheart. Thats right, despite only being in the job for two weeks, Cheryl Cole has been sacked from the X Factor USA and her job has been given to co-host Nicole Sherzinger! The papers are claiming her thick Geordie accent is to blame, but they're also saying she didn’t have any chemistry with Paula Abdul. Personally I think there's a lot more to it then that and the whole story raises a lot of questions.

So: Was hiring Cheryl a publicity stunt in the first place? Was she always going to be sacked to gain publicity for the show? Why was the news released on the same day as the American Idol final? Did Paula get jealous of Cheryl and Simon’s relationship? Was Nicole Sherzinger always there as a replacement judge? Did Gamu instigate the whole thing, in some sort of evil genius revenge plot? Is it just a coincidence that Cheryl gets the sack the day after Geordie Shore airs on TV? Who Knows?

All we do know is that FOX have shown Cheryl the door and her so-called best friend has stabbed her in the back. So what happens for Cheryl now? Is she come back to the UK X Factor? Will she save our version from imploding? Or is she going to throw her dummy out the pram and tell Cowell to shove his show where the sun don’t shine?

If she does come back and that’s a big if, she should make a few demands. The first one should be making sure she's the head judge. If she returned, she would be the most senior judge on the panel (Louie doesn't count) and therefore should get the best chair. Gary Barlow shouldn’t automatically get it, just because he's replacing Simon. It would also give her a little bit of dignity which she needs right now. She should also demand a pay rise from Cowell. Not that she needs the money but it’s the least he can do after the way she's been treated. And finally she should demand that Danni Minogue is reinstated immediately. That last part isn't going to happen but now Cheryl understands how Danni's been treated over the past couple of years she should fight her corner.

The thing is if he plays it properly this won't destroy her career. Ant and Dec tried their hand in America and failed miserably, no one remembers that. Robbie Williams didn't make it in America, Oasis didn't make it in America and it hasn't made the slightest difference to them. No, as long as Cheryl gets her head straight and doesn't run into the arms of Ashley Cole she will be fine.

The idea situation of course is that she comes back as head judge and saves our version from imploding into a big old chavvy NDUBZ mess. By doing that she will immediatly reinstate herself as the nations sweetheart and make sure the X Factor reigns as the best reality TV show out there.

UPDATE: If you thought the speculation of Cheryl getting the job on X Factor USA was exhausting, it's just got a whole lot worse. Now we get to read about whether she's going to be on the UK show or not. According to todays reports, she's gone on a complete sulk and is refusing to come back, thus commiting career suicide and leaving us with Tulisa! I'll update more on Wednesday which is when we will have our offical panel but for the love of god can someone just hand Danni a wad of cash and put her on a Qauntas flight! Now!

Made In Chelsea- Not the Sloany way.

I couldn’t bring myself to watch the latest episode of Made In Chelsea. I saw the first two and that was enough for me. Maybe I’m judging too soon but from what I’ve already seen, it looks like a truly awful show filled with truly awful people.

I can see what channel 4 had in mind when they created this show. I’m guessing they were hoping for a mixture of The Hills and The Only Way Is Essex, but unfortunately they failed miserably on both counts. MIC is nothing like either of those shows. It doesn’t have the likable characters that made The Hills so successful and it doesn’t have the hilarious characters that makes TOWIE the best reality show out at the moment.

Plus it’s all so complicated. There are too many people and too many story lines going on at once. A show like this needs to start off simple, introduce a main likeable character with a main story arc and build the show around them. But Channel 4 over thought it and have started off as if we’re already on season 6. In the first (and only episode I’ve seen) people were bitching about each other, girls were sleeping with other peoples boyfriends, relationships were breaking up and oh and to top things off there was a gay guy who’s pretending to be straight. It was all too much. There were more shenanigans in one episode of MIC then there was in a whole season of The Hills, and even if there wasn’t it wouldn’t matter because frankly we’ve seen it all before. There is nothing special about this show that sets it apart from the others and no one on it is likeable or funny enough to make people want to tune in or add it to their schedule.

The other problem is that during times of a recession, nobody wants to see these people flouncing up and down the Kings Road. I don’t want to spend my Monday night after I’ve been at work all day watching an heir to a diamond mine set up social events, or watch an Eton old boy cheat on his girlfriend. And I definitely don’t want to see a girl with nicer hair then me drink Gin and Tonic and talk about what a mess her love life is in. That’s not entertainment, it’s depressing.

Anyway it’s all relative as I can’t see the Sloany lot sticking around for long. During the very first episode, Twitter was going crazy for Made In Chelsea. Everyone was watching it, everyone was talking about it. But two weeks on and it’s a completely different story. It seems everyone had the same idea as me and stopped watching after one episode. Nobody seems to care about them. They aren’t even being papped, or they are and nobody is buying the pictures. There isn’t one story about them on the Mail Online and that’s saying something because they’ll write about anyone!

It’s not that channel 4 have jumped on the band wagon too late. Geordie Shore started last night and you can tell that’s going to be brilliant. It’s just that they got it completely wrong. And to rub salt in the wound Channel 4 won’t be showing Glee next year so they can concentrate on making home grown shows such as this. Fantastic.

P.S – If you’ve seen Made In Chelsea then go to YouTube and Google Gap Yah. You won’t be disappointed.

The Chicago Code - It was over before it even begun.

I was really looking forward to Sky 1’s new show, The Chicago Code. Sky have been plugging it for the past two weeks, and have called it ‘the new Shield.’ As a massive fan of The Shield (it’s probably my favourite show ever) this made me extremely excited. And when I found out Shawn Ryan was involved, I knew I was in for a treat. To steal a phrase off Cheryl Cole, The Chicago Code looked ‘right up my street’

That was of course until I found out it had been cancelled in the US. That’s right, Sky 1’s brand spanking new, American cop series has only lasted one season in America. Despite receiving critical acclaim, The Chicago Code has been shown the door. FOX didn’t even give the show a chance to see if it would sell well on DVD. So now, despite being really excited about it, I won’t be tuning in.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not assuming The Chicago Code is a bad show because FOX cancelled it. We all know 90% of the time FOX can’t make a right decision when renewing and cancelling shows. This is the network that cancelled ‘Family Guy’ for ‘That 80’s show’ and got rid of ‘Arrested Development’ after only three seasons, when it may just be, one of the best comedies of our generation. Note that FOX brought back Family Guy almost immediately because of public outcry and are now funding an Arrested Development film!

No, FOX cancelling The Chicago Code only confirms my belief that it would have been a great show. But, what’s the point of only watching something for one season? Why get attached when it’s not going to be around for any longer than six months? I can watch a miniseries, I’ve enjoyed shows like ‘Pillars of the Earth’ and ‘The Pacific’ even though I know there are only a limited number of episodes. But watching one series of a show that was never meant to end after 13 episodes doesn’t seem right. What happens if I think it’s the best show I’ve ever seen and then have to come to terms with the fact it won’t be back on the air. What if it is like watching the first series of The Shield and then never having any more episodes. I can’t be dealing with all that.

To be honest I’m more concerned for Sky. I mean, how embarrassing! Here they are, flogging this show constantly, telling us it’s the BEST SHOW EVER, whilst their friends at FOX have already decided they think it’s a waste of space. What with the Mad Men/Sky Atlantic saga, they really aren’t having much luck with their American imports lately.

I suppose I can’t be too mad at FOX, they did renew ‘Fringe’ for a 4th season, but I just wish they would give things a bit more time. Otherwise, before we know it, all the good cop shows will be dead and all we’ll have to watch is a constant stream of Simon Cowell reality shows and 158 episodes of Glee per series.

The Shadow Line.

I've taken one for the team here.

I thought I'd give the BBC's new seven part thriller The Shadow Line a watch. The Radio Times have raved about it, giving it their "prestigious" drama of the week award. And it's a master class in style over substance. About ten minutes of plot crammed into sixty minutes of television. The rest was just wandering around and characters muttering half sentences. A drug baron and his nephew are mysteriously pardoned, the drug baron is murdered. Enter Jonah Gabriel the oh so enigmatic detective. I'm sure the name must mean something, but who cares. Add in some gangsters trying to find out who murdered their boss and you more or less have it.

The Shadow Line was described as a conspiracy thriller, which, is like calling something a psychological thriller. It just means nothing much will happen and you are branded stupid if you don't get it. Plus, as with most BBC dramas, the pace was slow and the script pretty leaden. I'm not sure if all the jokes were supposed to be duds, but, if so, then they succeeded. There was a press conference with some of the worst banter I've heard this side of " Two Pints of Lager". There is a strong cast, and in the main it is well acted. But you just get the feeling it's not going to add up to much.

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Doctor Who - a poor science fiction novel.

I read that, Doctor Who supremo, Steven Moffat has been moaning that a fan leaked the plot of the two part series opener. Well If I was Mr Moffat, I'd of been more afraid news got out that it was a super stinker of epic proportions. Dreadful doesn't come into it. This is obviously what you get when you mix convoluted, labyrinthine, and arse numbingly dull together. As with most Doctor Who duds, you get the feeling this was some half baked idea for a science fiction novel that didn't get past fifty pages. I wont even attempt to bore you with the plot. Perhaps because I can't.

And when the show gets this tedious you start to notice all its short comings. I'm starting to get a little tired of Matt Smith's, one note, bumbling college professor, take on the Doctor. It really is time to put more in the mix. I suggest he goes back and watches how David Tennant added darker shades to the character. Mind you he is not helped by Karen Gillan as Amy Pond. She really only has one expression, stunned rabbit, which she then adapts for pain, happiness and, well, stunned. Then there is Arthur Darvill as Rory. I never feel second assistants work in Doctor Who, and Rory proves it. He is so forgettable that... What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Rory. He hangs around the edges to very little affect. The only high of the dire double opener was Alex Kingston. She brings a gusto and pathos to her character, River Song, that Matt Smith can only dream of.

I was so comatose that I don't think I picked up on the series arc. But I'm sure it will bash me over the head later in the series. Episode three is sitting on my planner, I haven't the enthusiasm to watch it just yet. Oh no, I've just realised, I've become what everyone eventually becomes on the Internet, a Doctor Who blogger. Nooooooooo!!!

Over

Martina Cole's The Runaway

Pantomime season ended late this year. But at least it went out with a bang. Martina Cole's The Runaway was nothing if not laughable from start to finish - Add your own "oh no it wasn't " here. This was pure panto all the way. From over the top, boo hiss, cockney villains in the shape of Keith Allen, to Alan Cumming's Widow Twanky impression. The lead characters, Eamon and Cathy, with their star crossed lovers routine, were unsympathetic and annoying. They seemed to hit every hard luck cliche like a runaway truck.

Plus, for a series set between the mid sixties to the mid seventies it had no sense of time, or place. You could probably write a, Martina Cole sized, book on all the errors that popped up. Soho seemed to be one street and it almost felt like the characters were going to burst into song as they wandered along. Sadly Alan Cumming, as previously mentioned done up like Widow Twanky, did sing quite a bit.Thank Heaven for the fast forward, plus 6 did the job nicely.

The plot twisted and turned like a Roman road. I can't believe any viewer wasn't at least three steps ahead. Earlier in the week I commented on how excellently In Treatment was acted. Well this was the anti In Treatment. Even first rate, solid actors like Ken Stott chewed up the scenery like he was being paid by the word.

If they start giving out BAFTAs for woeful, over the top, shambles look out for The Runaway to be a top contender.

Over

The Vanessa Show - A serious affair.

A little while back, on hearing it had precious few viewers, we reviewed The Vanessa Show. Recently, I noticed Channel 5 had pulled it from its morning slot and stuck it after Neighbours. As a service to you kind reader, I thought I'd check it out, to see if there had been any changes. Well the set was the same bedsit affair. Same Vanessa and Ben. Except Ben now has glasses and a, sort of, goatee. Perhaps this was to emphasise the more serious air, because the show itself has become more issue led. All the celeb stuff seems to have been given the elbow. Jenny Eclair was in the studio, so I rest my case. First issue off the rank was Should men cry? And was it dull. I have to admit after five minutes, or so, I nearly broke down in tears. That subject pummelled into the ground, next up we got Do women have to be tough in the workplace? And this was every bit as dire. But my interest was peeked when one of the guests was described as a 'sofa surfer'. Just as I was wondering what that entailed and what level of skill it took to surf on a sofa. The other guest was also called a sofa surfer. Then I fell in, sit on the sofa on The Vanessa Show and you re a, you guessed it, a sofa surfer. This whole sorry affair was rounded off by a swift chat with Jenny Eclair, so swift she barely had time to plug her upcoming gigs. There's good news if you have serious masochistic tendencies, after Vanessa you can switch to ITV and catch the Alan Titchmarsh Show. The horror... The horror. Over.

Sky Atlantic - Has Dustin Hoffman sold us a dud?

Am I the only one who is finding Sky Atlantic a little disappointing? It was heralded with over sincere ads, fronted by a vaguely creepy Dustin Hoffman and all sorts of goodies were promised. But the excitement seems to have dwindled for me.

The flagship show Boardwalk Empire while good, isn't great. And it was constantly beaten in the ratings by the far superior The Killing over on BBC Four. I'm sure Sky didn't envision their much vaunted, Martin Scorsese produced, series getting its arse kicked by a dark,twenty part Danish thriller. Then there is Blue Bloods, passing fair, but pedestrian. It lacks the power of say, an NYPD Blue.

Next Treme, I was looking forward to this David Simon effort. Although I hadn't really liked Generation Kill, I hoped this would be a winner. I lasted half an hour. I found the characters uninteresting and didn't really want to hang around a Katrina torn New Orleans with them for ten episodes.

Bored to Death, the new comedy, I just don't get. That maybe a personal failing on my part, but it just passes me by. Even Weeds, which I'm still enjoying, is not as good as the first three seasons.

The HBO features have been pretty dour. You Don't Know Jack, with Al Pacino was very good. But it took a lot to sit through it. Same with The Jack Bull, a doom laden western with John Cusak. And I didn't have the stamina for Temple Gradin. I just looked at it sitting there on my planner and thought, I haven't got the energy. But perhaps things will pick up. Game of Thrones, which starts on the 18th might be a winner. It looks good.

Then again, I could be moaning about nothing. I've watched more Sky Atlantic, over the last two months than I have ITV in two years. Let's think about it how many ITV shows could we all gripe about. I've talked myself out of it. Sky Atlantic could be better than I thought. And who knows, I might even give Treme another go when it gets repeated.

Over.

Mad Men without Joan - Unthinkable!

So there is good news and bad news. The good news is Mad Men has been renewed for a fifth season the bad news is we have to wait another year for it.

A couple of weeks ago it looked like there was a real danger that Mad Men could have ended up just like Deadwood. A great show cut off in its prime because creative directors and networks just couldn’t get along. This doesn’t seem to be the case anymore but whether we get the same Mad Men back is a completely different matter.

Talks between Matthew Weiner and AMC stalled because AMC wanted to cut two minutes off of the show, put in product placement and axe two regular characters. Wiener was dead set against the changes and instead wanted $30 million to continue for the next two seasons.

Seeing as we now have a return date we can only hope that these problems have been resolved. We wont be getting episodes that are half an hour long, episodes without Don and Peggy and we wont be watching Roger drinking diet coke in front of the camera, I mean that would be ridiculous, everyone knows Roger only drinks Martinis.

However there is one little problem…

Now there’s a lot of speculation going around at the moment (and I stress speculation) but a worrying story is going around that what with the delay in filming it seems season 5 will be lacking one key character… the beloved Joan! I know, I know it doesn’t bear thinking about! It seems that Christina Hendricks has signed on to do some movie and filming for that and Mad Men is scheduled for the same time. Unless Hendricks has a twin (and we know that’s not true, there’s only one Christina Hendricks) then it looks pretty impossible that she is going to be able to do the two.

Anyone who watches the Mad Men will tell you one thing, Mad Men without Joany unthinkable! It would be like having 24 without Chloe, Lost with Kate, Glee without Rachel. She is the matriarch, the glitz and glamour, the brains behind the operation, the one who makes sure SCDP runs smoothly and keeps the men in check. Also if she doesn’t come back we would be missing out on the storyline of Joan being pregnant with Rogers baby. Not much happens in Mad Men, that’s a given but I thought this could have brought some major drama to the show.

Of course it wouldn’t be the first time shows have wrote out characters that are integral to the plot line and if AMC were so desperate to get rid of a regular character it seems they may well have go their wish. One thing I do know is that if Joan doesn’t feature in Season 5 then they better start working on a way to get Betty more involved because we cannot rely on Peggy to bring the sixties glamour.

I for one am slightly worried. Mad Men really is the best show on TV. It’s classy, visually perfect, the acting is second to none and every character is integral to the show. If all these changes means Mad Men is on the verge of jumping the shark then perhaps it shouldn’t come back at all.

Weeds has lost it's charm.

I have decided to give up watching Weeds. It wasn’t that hard of a decision to make to be fair. After waiting two years for it to come back on to TV in England, I realised I hadn’t missed it that much in the first place. It wasn’t anywhere near as funny as I remembered but Nancy was just as obnoxious and flash as I remembered her to be.

In the first few seasons I could kind of see how Nancy could have become a drug dealer, what with the dead husband and shed loads of debt. I felt sorry for her, trying to hide her double life from her family and neighbours and then having to deal with her suppliers, Conrad and Haylia. I never found myself able to root for her completely; there was always something about her that annoyed me (I think it was her obsession with Starbucks) But now she is running all over town like a pretty Pablo Escobar, I find her completely intolerable. It seems to me that the charm Weeds had in its first three seasons has completely disappeared making way for a show that just seems obnoxious filled with unlikeable characters.

I stopped watching a couple of episodes back, after willing Nancy to get caught whilst crossing the border, I realised there was no point watching a show where I couldn’t get behind the main character. I even liked Tony Soprano at his worst! However someone told me that in the most recent episode, Shane masturbates over a picture Nancy! So maybe her youngest son is still deranged but just not funny anymore. Either way I’m officially done with Weeds.

The demise of Benidorm.

Think of all the half hour shows you wished were an hour long. Then think about how far down that list Benidorm was.

Remember back to the first two series. When it was a funny, grubby comedy peopled with likable, stereotypes that we have all seen on holidays gone by. Now look at it, ten minutes of entertainment crammed into an hour. The ITV are not just flogging a dead horse, they have dug it up to do so.

The first episode of this dull series even had a cameo from Cilla Black that culminated in the unsavoury prospect of her having a threesome in a hot tub with the ageing swingers Donald and Jacqueline. Thankfully we were spared seeing it.

I can't even bring myself to write about what was supposed to be the plot. Suffice to say it makes Carry On Abroad look like Citizen Kane. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Denise Welch turns up as some cartoon gangster. And if I tell you one of her henchmen was defeated by having his shoelaces tied together, you know the lofty standard of comedy Benidorm aspires to these days.

The longer this flaccid fiasco continues, the more the first two series fade in the memory. I know it's the only comedy hit the ITV has but, time to cancel the reservations and send this sorry show packing.

Over.

Bedlam - Sky Living.

For some mad and unfathomable reason I thought I was going to like Living's new, homegrown supernatural, drama Bedlam. The trailer looked spooky and vaguely nasty, so I sat down with a deluded sense of expectation. Only for my hopes to be dashed within the first five minutes. The enigmatic opening on a dark deserted road didn't bode well. The 'seen it all before' feeling started to niggle me. Then we were transported to Bedlam Heights. A new housing development being built on the site of an abandoned mental asylum. Who names their development Bedlam Heights? You don't need Sarah Beeney to tell you that's a non starter. Well, before you knew what was happening, lights were failing, ghosts were at the window, green slime was in the sink, and my finger was on the delete button. The dialogue was quite flat and there seemed a total lack of humour. Oh for a swift Joss Weedon polish. And the acting made Crossroads look like the West Wing. So before the first break I had departed Bedlam. Who knows I might have missed something. But, if I have, I'll pick up the box set in Poundland in about a year.

Over.

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thoth-god/3680658023

Book Em Danno - Hawaii 5-0

The new revamp of Hawaii 5-0 moves so fast it makes 24 look like Country File. The trouble is, in their haste, they left any semblance of a plot behind. What it boiled down to was that after a massive gun battle, helicopters, explosions and upended trucks, Steve McGarrett (Alex O'Louglin ) has come to Hawaii to bury his father, who was executed by the villain of the piece who is played by James Marster's with an Irish accent (call me a Buffy purest, but he never looks right to me without blond hair and a long coat)

Before his dad is cold, Steve is pounced upon to start some sort of elite task force. Why? I don't know. Anyway red tape must be a thing of the past in Hawaii, because he gets sworn in over the phone and he can now hunt down his father's killers legally. All this is done at break neck speed. It has taken me longer to write it. First Steve recruits Chin Ho, Lost's Daniel Dae Kim, who still looks lost and who can blame him. Next up McGarrett gets tangled up with cop Danny (book 'em Danno) Williams, played by Scott Caan, who looks about one foot seven tall and one foot seven wide. At first they don't get along, Shocker. Another problem is the banter between them; it's just not snappy enough, but they become pals; mainly due to the fact they shoot everyone they see. If Hawaii Five -0 is to be believed, Hawaii is bereft of Hawaiians but jam-packed with semi automatic weapons. It's like they ask someone the time and they pull an AK-47. McGarrett's crack squad is completed by Chin's cousin, a surfer babe who turns out to be none other than Battlestar Gallactica's Boomer. She emerges from the waves, bikini clad and she doesn't wear much more for the rest of the show. Five gun battles later we reach the climax. James Marster’s is shot, but you don't see him die. Making you think he'll be back. But will most of the viewers? We get the obligatory " Book 'em Danno, " and thankfully it’s over.

The original show is too seldom seen these days to make a comparison. But this revamp really doesn't look too promising at the moment. Over.