The X Factor USA - Gamu's Revenge.

So America has snubbed our nations sweetheart. Thats right, despite only being in the job for two weeks, Cheryl Cole has been sacked from the X Factor USA and her job has been given to co-host Nicole Sherzinger! The papers are claiming her thick Geordie accent is to blame, but they're also saying she didn’t have any chemistry with Paula Abdul. Personally I think there's a lot more to it then that and the whole story raises a lot of questions.

So: Was hiring Cheryl a publicity stunt in the first place? Was she always going to be sacked to gain publicity for the show? Why was the news released on the same day as the American Idol final? Did Paula get jealous of Cheryl and Simon’s relationship? Was Nicole Sherzinger always there as a replacement judge? Did Gamu instigate the whole thing, in some sort of evil genius revenge plot? Is it just a coincidence that Cheryl gets the sack the day after Geordie Shore airs on TV? Who Knows?

All we do know is that FOX have shown Cheryl the door and her so-called best friend has stabbed her in the back. So what happens for Cheryl now? Is she come back to the UK X Factor? Will she save our version from imploding? Or is she going to throw her dummy out the pram and tell Cowell to shove his show where the sun don’t shine?

If she does come back and that’s a big if, she should make a few demands. The first one should be making sure she's the head judge. If she returned, she would be the most senior judge on the panel (Louie doesn't count) and therefore should get the best chair. Gary Barlow shouldn’t automatically get it, just because he's replacing Simon. It would also give her a little bit of dignity which she needs right now. She should also demand a pay rise from Cowell. Not that she needs the money but it’s the least he can do after the way she's been treated. And finally she should demand that Danni Minogue is reinstated immediately. That last part isn't going to happen but now Cheryl understands how Danni's been treated over the past couple of years she should fight her corner.

The thing is if he plays it properly this won't destroy her career. Ant and Dec tried their hand in America and failed miserably, no one remembers that. Robbie Williams didn't make it in America, Oasis didn't make it in America and it hasn't made the slightest difference to them. No, as long as Cheryl gets her head straight and doesn't run into the arms of Ashley Cole she will be fine.

The idea situation of course is that she comes back as head judge and saves our version from imploding into a big old chavvy NDUBZ mess. By doing that she will immediatly reinstate herself as the nations sweetheart and make sure the X Factor reigns as the best reality TV show out there.

UPDATE: If you thought the speculation of Cheryl getting the job on X Factor USA was exhausting, it's just got a whole lot worse. Now we get to read about whether she's going to be on the UK show or not. According to todays reports, she's gone on a complete sulk and is refusing to come back, thus commiting career suicide and leaving us with Tulisa! I'll update more on Wednesday which is when we will have our offical panel but for the love of god can someone just hand Danni a wad of cash and put her on a Qauntas flight! Now!

Essex is the new LA.

The Only Way Is Essex is back and oh my, wasn’t it good?! I intended to write a blog about how good the show is and how I don’t care that it’s obviously scripted and staged. I was also going to write about how it’s the best reality TV since the first few series of Big Brother and how it’s the UK’s version of The Hills. But I’m not going to, instead I’m going to simply state my ten favourite things from the first episode:

1. Amy’s statement of ‘Essex is the new LA’ – Really Amy? Really?
2. Nanny Pat’s swimming hat – I want to take her home and make her my Nan.
3. ‘Kent is in South London’ – OK.....
4. Chloe’s lips – I mean come on!
5. Chloe’s breasts – I mean come on!
6. Mr Darcy urinating all over the shop floor.
7. The opening credits featuring people that are actually in the show as opposed to someone named Michael!?

8. Kirk's back - Yay!
9. Jessica discussing her boob job with her brother – not weird at all!?

10. The impending announcement of a fake wedding between Lauren and Mark – Heidi and Spencer anyone?

And do you know what the best part ever is ? There’s a new episode tomorrow night! Shatupp!

The demise of Benidorm.

Think of all the half hour shows you wished were an hour long. Then think about how far down that list Benidorm was.

Remember back to the first two series. When it was a funny, grubby comedy peopled with likable, stereotypes that we have all seen on holidays gone by. Now look at it, ten minutes of entertainment crammed into an hour. The ITV are not just flogging a dead horse, they have dug it up to do so.

The first episode of this dull series even had a cameo from Cilla Black that culminated in the unsavoury prospect of her having a threesome in a hot tub with the ageing swingers Donald and Jacqueline. Thankfully we were spared seeing it.

I can't even bring myself to write about what was supposed to be the plot. Suffice to say it makes Carry On Abroad look like Citizen Kane. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Denise Welch turns up as some cartoon gangster. And if I tell you one of her henchmen was defeated by having his shoelaces tied together, you know the lofty standard of comedy Benidorm aspires to these days.

The longer this flaccid fiasco continues, the more the first two series fade in the memory. I know it's the only comedy hit the ITV has but, time to cancel the reservations and send this sorry show packing.

Over.

THE FA CUP BOWL.

The Super Bowl took place in America last night and whilst I know that the Super Bowl is a football game, after reading the news this morning it seems like it’s a bit bigger then just a sporting event.

I woke this morning to papers littered with stories about the Super Bowl but not one of them mentioned the game. That almost seems secondary to everything else that went on around it. So far I’ve read how Christina Aguileria made a catastrophic mess of the national anthem, and how the Black Eyed Peas half time show was the best since Bruce Springsteen three years ago. Whole news articles have been dedicated to the celebrities that were at the game, but none mention the game itself, so it seems to me isn’t the super bowel more of a TV show then it is football game?

A 30 second advert for The X Factor was shown during the match, which apparently cost $1.8 million to air. $1.8 million for one single advert! That is a ridiculous amount of money, yet companies pay it! And I can’t help but think… why on earth isn’t the UK doing this with the FA Cup final?

The FA Cup is as big a sporting event we get in the UK. Soccer lovers all over the world tune in for the final in May, yet we don't make a big deal out of it like the US do with the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl have the Black Eyed Peas and Slash at half time and the FA Cup gets Gary Linekar and Adrian Chiles. The Super Bowl has a 5-time Grammy winner singing the national anthem but we get a runner up of Britain’s Got Talent. I’m aware that we can’t put adverts in during a game of soccer like they do during in Football, but there is still no reason why it can't be as exciting as the Super Bowl.

It could be changed from an afternoon game to an evening game. We could have performances before the match that were shown on TV (rather then the historical montages of FA Cups gone by that we get now) There could be half time entertainment instead of fifteen minutes of needless analysis by Gareth Southgate. We could get international superstars to sing the national anthem and get big name stars involved in the build up rather then the bitter ex footballers that we get now. The UK are not going to get to host the World Cup for at least another sixteen years, so in the mean time why don't we start making the FA Cup a bigger event, to show FIFA what could have been. If we did all this there is no reason why ITV couldn't charge ridiculously high prices for advertising throughout the coverage. FOX showed us how big an annual sporting event can be last night and we need to start following suit. Who knows it may even attract people who've never watched a football match before?

Oh by the way the Packers won the Super Bowl just in case you were wondering, but I doubt everybody watching last night really cared about the score.