Overview.

I once saw a programme where a man survived in the Australian Outback by drinking his own urine. When asked how it was he said, "Bearable in small doses". That is exactly how I feel about Eastbound and Down and, the wildly inappropriate, Kenny Powers. At half an hour you can just about stick with, the magnificentlymulleted, Kenny.  Brilliantly played by Danny McBride, I think Kenny is how the male participants of Geordie Shore will look, and act, when they hit middle age. It was a good idea to add the family element to season 3. April has left their one year old son, Toby, in Kenny's massively incapable hands and there was a great line where April asks Kenny who she thinks baby Toby looks like and he replies, "I dunno, the dude from The Shield?" Let's face it, that's what we all really feel when asked that question.

Friday Night Lights is proving to be an excellent show and with loads of seasons, in the bank, so to speak, we can look forward to it for quite a while to come.

Just when you thought those sick puppies behind Spartacus Vengeance couldn't shock us, they come up with that magnificent face slicing off effect. How great was that when the brain just slid out, I'm sure I'm not the only viewer who had to rewind and watch it again. Can they top that? You get the feeling they will probably will try.

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Overview

I'm starting to worry about Two and a Half Men. OK, it's never been as good this season, but the early episodes held out a little promise, Judith, Evelyn and Berta were all popping up, not regularly, but popping up. But lately all three seem to have disappeared as it slowly becomes the Ashton Kutcher show. Jake has barely registered and Alan is becoming more craven and unsavoury with every passing episode. I never really subscribed to the doctrine that it was Charlie Sheen's show, when Two and a Half Men worked best, it was an ensemble piece, with a dis-functional family at its heart. The way the new season is going it is more about Walden and Big Suze from Peep Show. The thing I like most about Two and a Half Men, at the moment, is that Mos Eisley poster on the wall.

 

After watching this week's Geordie Shore I am becoming more convinced there isn't a show, on the telly, that would not be improved by adding Vicky. What a joy she would be on the panel of Britain's Got Talent or Strictly. In fact let's kick the Queen and Kate off of that Diamond Jubilee tour and put Vicky in there instead. Just imagine rows of people extending their hands only to be called 'Bell ends' and 'Knob heads' for no apparent reason.

 

I don't think any of us who suffered gamely through it was shocked to hear of the cancellation of Terra Nova. It was a great idea, but making it a cute, family friendly show killed it stone dead. In fact Terra Nova was so twee that the only dinosaur missing was Barney.

 

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Overview.

Like the vast, vast majority of the British viewing public I missed Friday Night Lights when it aired on ITV4, so I thought I'd give it a go now it's being shown, from the beginning, on SKY Atlantic. But as I was watching, it sort of reminded me of something. Then I realised Friday Night Lights was remade as Glee. Same sort of story, just camp it up around the edges, throw in some Journey and Celine and hey presto it's transformed. I wonder if we get a Britney episode on FNL? One can only hope.

I found Grimm a bit of a disappointment. I was looking forward to something edgy and dark, but all we got was a deeply pedestrian cop show and one that is already starting to creak under the concept. Where Buffy seemed natural and the premise was never thrust down our throats,  Grimm is the opposite. But, back then the whole idea of ghouls, warewolves and vampires walking amongst us was new and fresh. Now almost every show does it. We can't be that far away from Home and Away adopting it, it's the natural progression once they get bored of the whole gangster thing. But I suppose I'll give Grimm few more episodes, just in case it livens up.

I'm always impressed when artists suffer for their art and we certainly saw a prime example of that in this weeks TOWIE. When those brave souls rushed into the freezing, wintry, Essex sea, just to entertain us, I was genuinely moved. Like Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd before them, Arg, Joey, Diags and Mario gave of themselves. Especially Arg, when he fell over and limped ashore moaning 'My balls, my balls'. I'd like to think it was all their own idea, after all these people are real, isn't that what Denise Van Outen is always telling us? Well, at least as real as the big bad wolf in Grimm I suppose.

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Overview.

The powers that be behind the new series of TOWIE seem to think that the very epitome of entertainment is watching Lucy cry. It's like we can't get enough of it. Crying in front of an iPad, crying in front of a window, and crying in front of the rest of the cast. And all because of the vaguely sinister Mario, who seems to have styled himself on a Miami Vice villain. Now that would be novel if Crockett and Tubbs came to save sad, hapless Lucy. Also I never thought I'd see it, but with new character Diags, he is someone that actually could do with a bit more make up. Come on, help the poor guy out, it's not as if there is a shortage of slap on the show.

 

I'm starting to think there is no advert that would not be improved by sticking Vicky from Geordie Shore in it. The shampoo one with Cheryl Cole for instance, sure Vicky would start out telling you about bounce and shine and how you are worth it. But, pretty soon, she'd be telling you, you don't deserve decent shampoo, you're not worth it, and you're a knob end to boot. I'd hate to think what she would tell that bloke to do with his phone if you swapped her for Yoda in that dire ad. Also, just think how she would put you off of a pay day loan, the mind boggles.

 

On the Star Wars front I see The Phantom Menace is coming out in 3D. So it seems they will have to amend that old adage. You still can't polish a turd, but you can stick it in 3D.

 

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Overview

I'm glad to see 5 is repeating all those old An Audience With shows. Not so much because they are great entertainment, mostly they are not, but because what the audience can tell you of the time they were transmitted. Row after row of micro celebs and the long dead. It is great fun trying to put a name to the faces, then wondering what the hell happened to them. In fact, I have a better idea, how about a show called The Audiences of An Audience With. The long dead and the long forgotten get the chance to shine again.

 

I really loved the first two seasons of In Treatment, but the third seems to have come down a notch, nothing to do with the acting, which is still excellent. It is the patients stories, they are somehow just not as gripping as in the previous runs. But there is a while to go, so perhaps they will pick up.

 

When will Claire Powell get her own reality show? It is so unfair her popping in and out of Peter Andre's, Kerry Katona's, and now Amy Childs. Come on Claire, you have the star power, give yourself a go. It's what the Nation wants.

 

I quite liked Onion Network News on Sky Arts 1 this week. It would probably be funnier if we were more familiar with the workings of American network news and it was a bit uneven, but on the whole, it was sharp and when it hit, it hit hard.

 

Terra Nova watch time. Dinosaur count this week: 0.

 

Ringer ended its first run this week and highly enjoyable it was too. A mad cap mix of... Well everything. There are probably plot holes the size of the Grand Canyon, but it moves so fast, and twists so deftly, that an idiot like me joyfully jumps over them.

 

On the forthcoming attractions front Hung season 3 starts on Sky Atlantic this week. If you have seen the other two, I thought I'd let you know because it is hardly going to be shouted from the rooftops.

 

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Overview

So what lessons have we learnt from Terra Nova this week, other than Komodo dragons are cowards? Well it was, always tell your parents everything. Very wise. I don't know about you, but I feel I am becoming a better person just by watching it.

I'm not sure of the correct job title, but I think the people who buy the programmes at the BBC shouldn't grasp at the first bright, shiny thing they see. A bit of restraint and they might have avoided Pan Am. Perhaps someone mentioned Mad Men

but comparing Pan Am to Mad Men is like comparing The Hour to well, Mad Men. Pan Am is very bright and looks incredibly expensive but the high for me was spotting Donna from Neighbours, other than that I wasn't greatly impressed. Just think the BBC could probably pick up Breaking Bad for a fraction of the price of this glittery tosh.  

I'm old enough to remember when Christmas used to be the only time toys were advertised on the telly. Now it seems it is stand- up DVDs. And they all seem to be in these great, cavernous arenas. So, if you were stuck up the back, in the cheap seats I suppose you would have to get the DVD to see what the hell went on. But they do all look very funny.

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Overview.

Surely Terra Nova has to be the most disappointing show of the year. I feel like a mug for looking forward to it. This week we had a murder but as with everything, in this show, it was pretty simplistic and dinosaur light. I really can't see it picking up.

A much more dangerous place to live, than Terra Nova, is Seattle, well, if you watch Grey's Anatomy that is. The new season opened with a water main bursting. But this wasn't just a river running down the High Street, no, there was a crater so big it made the Grand Canyon look like a crack in the pavement. Grey's loves it's disasters and I'm sure we will be treated to a lot more as the season unfolds.

Also returning this week was The Mentalist. But I'm starting to think, do we Mentalist viewers live in a Mentalist bubble? This week saw Patrick imprisoned, then win a million dollars off  Mobsters in a card game, get out and solve a crime, then successfully defend himself in court. This is the sort of stuff that used to take Michael Scofield a whole season to achieve in Prison Break and Patrick gets it done in under an hour. Then we get the bombshell Red John is still alive. To an outsider, this would be laughable tosh, but to us saddos, inside the bubble, we swallow it all and want more.

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Overview

You have to believe me on this, but I was flicking around the other night and I caught the last five minutes of Murder in Paradise. I really did just catch the end, I didn't watch it all, honest. Anyway, Ben Miller had assembled all the suspects in a room, a la Miss Marple and proceeded to unveil the killer in the most ridiculous way possible. It was like something out of Police Squad. But what also struck me was that this was a Tuesday. Surely Murder in Paradise is twee tosh tailor made for Sunday night. Cosy, unfeasible, with lots of lovely Caribbean scenery. Is it really so bad that it has to be shoved out on a Tuesday? Well, going by the five minutes I caught, yes.

With all the nasty things happening off camera, bars fire bombed, people glassed in clubs, others lured to a beating, perhaps TOWIE should be re-dubbed Brentwood Empire. Then we could see Nucky Thompson in the Sugar Hut, Charlie Luciano at a pie and mash pool party, and Al Capone dancing with Nanny Pat. Now that would be a show.

All bets are off for the worst English accent in an American show award. The hands down winner was the bloke who played the villain in this weeks episode of Burn Notice. A near master piece mispronunciation and 'Gawd blimey guvnor' grammar. Well done matey, your award is in the post.

It is a bit late to start, but if you have missed Ringer on Sky Living, make sure you catch the series when it is repeated. It is fast becoming the maddest, most enjoyable our of the week. I'm sure all concerned have lost the plot. But who cares when everyone is having so much fun?

On the forthcoming attractions front,American Horror Story on FX looks promising. And, I'm sure it will be greeted by more moans than cheers, but Grey's Anatomy returns on Wednesday.

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Overview.

I know, like me, you were probably wondering what would fill the great Steps Reunion sized hole in your life. Well, I tried The Jo Whiley Music show on Sky Arts 1. I was kind of hoping it would be a Steps special, but I was out of luck. Instead we had Noel Gallagher, Julian Lennon and Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs. It proved uncomfortable viewing as Jo aimed nearly every question at Noel, seeming to ignore Julian Lennon and Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs. I don't know if this was just how the show was edited But what was the point? They might as well just have had Noel in the studio, he's always good value, and it would have saved the 'what am I doing here?' looks of Julian Lennon and Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs.

What a joy it was to see Ian Hislop and Paul Merton team up to tear someone apart in Have I Got News For You. It happens all too rarely, so when it does, it's essential viewing. The recipient was Louise Mensch, as her crazy views were attacked from different stand points and different angles, It was like a blood sport. It was obviously getting to her, because Louise had that fixed grin on her face. I suppose it is either that or storm off the show.

It is a shame Terra Nova hasn't got the same bite, as it slowly gets worse with each passing instalment. This week we got the, Newt like, scruffy little feral girl episode. But she was won over by the love of the, getting sicklier by the minute, Shannon's. Imagine how great this show would be if it had taken its lead from The Walking Dead and not The Waltons. Can't wait until they all become breakfast for a T Rex.

Let's face it, no one does natural disasters quite like Home and Away. The week long storm brought much mayhem, but only got rid of one minor, make that very minor, character Tegan. All the action and tension of Summer Bay being torn apart was rivalled by Neighbours where they painted a history wall. Gripping stuff I think you'll agree.

On the forthcoming attractions front Misfits returns this week. Will this be the series it falls apart? Let's hope not.

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Overview

Let's start this weeks Overview with what must surely be the most influential programme of the year Steps Reunion. In its gargantuan wake Westlife have split up, no doubt so they can have their own, tear fuelled, reunion show in a few years. And, feeling left out, The Stone Roses have decided to tour again. Coincidence? I think not. Now I suppose we should brace ourselves for S Club 7 Reunion.

With the exception of Trollied, I haven't been at all impressed with SKY's domestic output and Spy isn't about to remedy the situation. Tim, a loser, working in a computer shop, accidentally gets a job as a spy. Yes, it does sound a bit like Chuck. The variation here is that he is divorced and has a precocious son. It was, pretty much, a laugh free zone. Darren Boyd, who plays Tim, played a similar character in an episode of Twenty Twelve, and just about sustained the amusement for half an hour. I think Spy will get very wearing over a series.

Tough, ensemble, American cop show Southland crept back on More 4 last week. This is a first rate programme that deserves better. The first two seasons were on Channel 4, but slid down the schedules. Now it has been shunted. Perhaps it needs a cult Danish version to get it back to its rightful place.

Never has a show gone more off the rails than the third season of Sons of Anarchy. It started well enough, then descended into farce as the gang went to Belfast. And not just that, it seemed to be Belfast of the 70's. There wasn't a modern building in sight and every house they went into looked straight out of On the Buses or George and Mildred. Even the theme tune had an Irish lilt. Thank God they didn't get to Dublin, where no doubt, we would have seen Michael Flatley dancing in front of The Commitments. Add to this a story line so complicated and labyrinthine that it makes Tinker, Tailor look like This Morning and you have the recipe for pure boredom.

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Overview

It's hard to know where to start this weeks Overview, with the exception of the Game of Thrones re run, it has been a poor seven days of viewing.

I Thought I would give Harry's Law a go. Even though it was on that home of the cancelled and faded, Universal. Well it certainly lived up to that esteemed channel's standards. A sappy, courtroom drama that was so sugary and saccharine, that watching more than a couple of episodes could probably give you diabetes.

I'm sure, like me, you were all up dancing, singing and clapping your hands to Matthew Morrison Live at the Hammersmith Apollo. I was quite exhausted but strangely exhilarated by the end. I'm starting to think, on the triple threat front, he is America's answer to Andrew Stone.

The minimal 'will they won't they?' tension was ruined during the ad breaks of Steps Reunion as they announced the dates of their upcoming arena tour. But then again, where better to flog Steps tickets than to the idiots watching this ego fuelled tear and spat fest.

Terra Nova ditched its faux Lost trappings of the opening episode, to give us a pretty dull family in peril story. If this is the way it is going we could all be in trouble. A deadly mix of Lost and Parenthood, the dinosaurs don't stand a chance.

I was wondering how much that original Helen Daniels painting, that hangs on the Kennedy's wall is worth? You know, the one of Libby, Mal, and Billy that has been there for eons. As we all remember Helen was one of Australia's foremost artists and considering she has been dead for donkeys years that painting must be worth a bomb. Surely Karl could take it to the Oz equivalent of Antiques Roadshow or, if that fails, Dickinson's Real Deals?

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Overview

Let's start this week's Overview with that 'couldn't care less' fest Steps Reunion. This week was another, will they won't they, tear fuelled episode as the Fab Five picked, scratched, and clawed at old wounds. The show makes it feel like the break up of The Beatles or something, as they point fingers at their Yoko or Yoko's, in this case, as H and Claire are the main culprits it seems. Who would have thought there was was so much bad blood and acrimony in Steps? It was always so cheerful. They all seem comfortably off, so it's hard to think why they are putting themselves through this. In the words of five wise philosophers, some things are better best forgotten.

The Secret Circle started on Sky Living this week and I sat there thinking, 'What does this remind me of?' After a while I got my answer...everything. With the Vampire Diaries rolling into its third season on ITV2, on Tuesday, it will be a nightmare watching both. You can imagine the story lines and characters, forming into one big supernatural blob.

Am I the only person who thinks Argos TV is not giving us the shop experience? Come on, less like QVC and more like queueing at your collection point please.

Another self satisfied series of Doctor Who ended this week. As the convoluted death of the Doctor plot lumbered to its conclusion, the only people on the edge of their seats were probably those who had dozed off. Plus the Doctor is always being put forward as this bogey man of the Universe, someone to be feared, then in trots Matt Smith. I don't buy it. There's no intimidating edge to his characterisation of the Doctor. In fact, he could take a few lessons from the members of Steps about steely stares and dark determination.

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Overview

Let's start with this week's Downton Abbey viewer moan. Apparently the story is moving too fast for the poor dears. As we all know, cosy Sunday night TV has to move at snail pace. Look at the all time classic of the genre Heartbeat, the show ran over twenty years and they never got out of the 60's. So come on Downton Abbey, pull your socks up and slow down.

Sarah Michelle Geller returned to television this week, playing twin sisters, in Ringer. It's a kind of throw back thriller, with more than a nod to Brian DePalma. It has the feel of a mini series. You really can't see where it would go by, say, season three.

Another week another dreadful Doctor Who episode. The Cybermen were thrown away as, the ever versatile, James Corden seemed to suck the life out of an already lifeless plot. How many more times can he recycle Smithy? The Doctor is supposed to die this week, can't wait.

As some of you may know, we have an unhealthy obsession with Home and Away. Well, they seem to have out done themselves. Now that, bad guy (ish ) Brax is being threatened. It seems that, these days, the villains are being threatened by villains, who have villains of their own.

On the forthcoming attractions front, we all wait with baited breathe for Terra Nova on SKY 1 Monday. And that most Marmite of shows, Californication returns to 5* this Thursday.

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Overview

I'll start this weeks Overview with what must be a new urban legend. I heard that viewers complained to the ITV that ads in the break of Downton Abbey were too downbeat and bursting their cosy little bubble. This can't be true, are people so deeply into their Downton coma that a few adverts are jolting them back to reality? I hate cosy Sunday TV anyway, for me, it reached its low point when the BBC took Michael Dibdin's excellent Zen novels and turned them into mush. Taking out the darkness and politics and replacing them with lashings of Italian countryside. Let's hope the ITV put lots of ads for Fluffy Kittens R Us and Babbling Brooks. com in the Downton breaks this week.

Does anyone else think Sky Atlantic's This Is Jinsy looks like Balamory without the laughs?

Torchwood Meandering Day has finally finished. A storyline that barely deserved three episodes was stretched to an arse numbing ten and what was all that with Gwen Cooper's dad about? Why are we supposed to care about him? Did I miss the series where he was a main character? Gwen Cooper is one of the most annoying creations on British TV, so why worry about her dying dad? It was a shame really because Meandering Day had some talented actors, and John Barrowman, involved. A missed opportunity, let's hope we have finally seen Torchwood disbanded.

On the forthcoming attractions front. I get the feeling we have seen every exciting moment from the second season of Boardwalk Empire in the trailer.

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Overview

Because I'm good to you, I thought I'd go over the bits and pieces of the week's telly. Sort of an overview, if you like.

First up, I'm going off BBC Three's Wilfred very quickly. Mainly because Wilfred is such an obnoxious character. Somehow I don't think he will be replacing Bouncer as the Nation's favourite Australian pooch anytime soon. This week it was unclear if Wilfred had killed two people. And because Ryan (Elijah Wood) goes along with him so readily it makes his character every bit as unlikable. It is more physiological thriller than comedy these days and I suppose, at some point, it will turn into a Fight Club / Angel Heart type thing and it was Ryan all along. But I have the feeling I won't be around to see it.

Awkward, which seems to be on MTV on a loop, got off to an alright start. Although I'm definitely not the target audience.The writing was sharper than you would expect, kind of like Mean Girls without La Lohan, Heathers without a psychotic Christian Slater, and Vampire Diaries without, well, the vampires.

More 4 kicked off the grandly named The Story of Film: An Odyssey this week. The front man, and creator, of the documentary series is the dry and pretentious Mark Cousins. Whose voice is droning and kind of sleep inducing. He would make a great hypnotist. "And that is how the close up was invented. Now take off all your clothes and eat an onion"

Paul Merton has covered all of the material in the first episode, in his BBC film shows, but with a lot more wit and warmth.

I don't know about you, but I think Neighbours is sinking into one of its periodic cosy comas. Characters who usually do stupid things (Tash and Andrew) are doing stupid things. What Lucas will do with his inherited money isn't exactly an edge of the seat storyline. And everyone else just seems to have bunched into a great blob of marshmallow. But it will crawl out of this slump, it usually does.

On the forthcoming attractions front Too Big to Fail (Thursday SKY Atlantic) looks well worth putting on your planner and if you are not yet into Pointless BBC One 5.15 weekdays what's the hold up?

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