Department for Quirkiness - Sky 1's Parents.

I get the feeling there must be a Department for Quirkiness at Sky, because, yet again, another new 'homegrown' series is jam packed with quirky characters that would struggle to survive in ToyTown, let alone the real world. The new show, in question, is Parents, which is billed as a comedy, but I doubt you'll be chuckling very much. It centres around Jenny who loses her high powered, I'm assuming City job, after attacking a co worker and then, handily for the show, has her house repossessed. So, along with her husband Nick, who really, and I do mean really, is the sort of character who only exists in this kind of sitcom, and her two wise and knowing (isn't it always the way) kids move in with her kooky parents in Kettering. Yes, I found the premise rib tickling too. 

As mentioned, Parents is set in Kettering but no one, in the show, seems to actually come from Kettering. Jenny's sister appears to hail from Essex, her old school boyfriend from Manchester and Jenny herself sounds like she was born within a Gucci bag throwing distance of Harrods; so, it appears, you can take Kettering out of the girl after all.

The comic situations, in the first two episodes, were almost non existent and the whole thing seems to rely on the moronic ineptitude and haplessness of the bumbling characters. As usual, with these sort of things, Sky have cast it to within an inch of its life. Tom Conti, Susie Blake and Sally Phillips could do this sort of stuff standing on their heads.

So how many more quirky shows will we get from Sky? You can just imagine the Commissioning Editor, sitting behind his desk, yelling: "These shows have just not been quirky, infantile, or pointless enough, get me Noel Fielding!"

Over 

JB'S Chase - Door Bashing, Bad Dialogue and Waylon Jennings.

Shows these days should come with a warning before they start. THIS SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELLED. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. If there had been such a notice before Jerry Bruckheimer's Chase, I could have turned off after five minutes. But, like an idiot, I ploughed on.

Well, Jerry Bruckheimer's Chase started, as you might expect, with a chase. But there was a twist, it was through a rodeo, well if you've got to have a chase, it might as well be through a rodeo. Our hero US Marshall Annie Frost scampered around bulls and knocked over clowns to get to the perp. Then, while chocking him into unconsciousness, we learnt that her mother had died while she was eight. J.B.'s Chase is that kind of show, we learn everything while things are moving at a hundred miles an hour.

The programme centres around a group of dogged, happy in each others company, US Marshals. We got to know the ins and outs as they explained them to new boy, Desperate Housewives, Jesse Metcalfe. They did that annoying Criminal Minds thing where each character utters a sentence and the next character takes it up without a pause. Does that ever happen in real life? I'd love to see it. Anyway Jerry Bruckheimer's Chase would love to be Criminal Minds, but it just doesn't have the Poe faced intensity, or quality for that matter. The daffy pilot episode had our intrepid heroes chasing a mad fugitive who was obsessed with the music of country singer Waylon Jennings, I kid you not. Which prompted Annie to sing a Waylon song down the line to the killer. It was such a mad scene that even Leslie Nielsen would have struggled to keep a straight face. At times the dialogue was so bad it made Steven Seagal's True Justice look like The Shield. So all we really got was the squad bashing in doors and shouting 'clear', while being two steps behind their, none too bright, quarry. In fact, you got the feeling these idiots couldn't catch chlamydia in Magaluf.

The show ended dull and predictable. They got their man, more through luck than skill, and celebrated the fact in a bar, all big pals. A little earlier we had learnt, between verses of Waylon Jennings, that Annie's 'daddy' hadn't been there for her when she was growing up. Which makes me guess that, at some point, Annie would be chasing her 'daddy'. Perhaps as a cliffhanger to a second season that never came.

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Mount Pleasant - Like A Daz Advert... But Not As Good

We all have shows we just don't get. I don't get Flight of the Conchords, whizzes right past me. And then there is The Mighty Boosh which nobody gets, or likes, outside of a Student Union bar. Now I can add to that list Sky's new 'comedy drama' (their words not mine) Mount Pleasant.

Set in a Northern suburb and purporting to be a tale of day to day life, I just didn't get it. What it most resembled was those Daz adverts with all the old soap stars in, only not as good. Everything seemed day-glo, over the top and stuck in a time-warp, a bit like The Archers on acid. And just when you thought it couldn't get much worse, or more time-warpy, Bobby Ball appeared as, well, Bobby Ball really. The facial expressions and movements were all there, only missing was a 'rock on Tommy' to drag us all back to dull Saturday nights of the late 70's and early 80's.

I kept waiting for Mount Pleasant to kick into action. Will it turn weird like Twin Peaks, or get a little dark like Desperate Housewives? Neither was the answer. In fact, comparing this to Desperate Housewives is like comparing Bobby Ball to Bobby De Nero. The show lurched on for an hour with nothing much happening, just cardboard characters spouting the F word in place of anything remotely resembling witty, or humorous, dialogue. Safe to say I won't be tuning in again.

Sky's 'homegrown' programming is really floundering. We can now add Mount Pleasant to Thorne and Mad Dogs as lemons of the highest order.

Over

Trollied - It'll Never Be The Office.

Sky 1's new comedy Trollied is alright. That's not damning it with faint praise, it's just alright. Set in a supermarket Valco, whose motto is ' Serves You Right ' (quite funny that) the show has thankfully not gone along the mock documentary route. Instead we follow the workers as they plod through their day. The characters are well observed and engaging (ish)

So far the show has the feel of a set of sketches and not a fully rounded story, perhaps that will come later but at the moment, that is not to Trollied's detriment and it certainly hasn't got the o.t.t. histrionics of Lucas and Walliams. What it has got, much like Sky's Mad Dogs, is a cast to die for. In fact, a lot like Mad Dogs, the cast are better than the material. Leading the line are Jane Horrocks as interim manager Julie (we got a good joke on how she was interimming) Jason Watkins as cheerful manager Gavin and Mark Addy, moving from Game of Thrones to the meat counter, as butcher Andy. These are excellent actors, who don't put a foot wrong. And, at times, you wonder if the lines would sound as sharp and funny coming from the mouths of lesser talents.

I suppose we should be glad Trollied is not on the BBC because Will Mellor would definitely been in it. Thank the Lord for small mercies ah? A special mention should go to Rita May as Margaret, part of a seniors back to work programme. She is quite brilliant. At one point Julie asks her if she has ever had a job, to which Margaret replies, 'well no, not unless you count school'

Trollied nods to the God of this kind of show, The Office, by having a Tim and Dawn type, from a distance, romance. You don't you need to be any kind of a genius to say Trollied will never be The Office but it is quite funny, excellently acted and alright. Which, in today's British sitcom terms, is a ringing endorsement.

Over.

Martina Cole's The Runaway

Pantomime season ended late this year. But at least it went out with a bang. Martina Cole's The Runaway was nothing if not laughable from start to finish - Add your own "oh no it wasn't " here. This was pure panto all the way. From over the top, boo hiss, cockney villains in the shape of Keith Allen, to Alan Cumming's Widow Twanky impression. The lead characters, Eamon and Cathy, with their star crossed lovers routine, were unsympathetic and annoying. They seemed to hit every hard luck cliche like a runaway truck.

Plus, for a series set between the mid sixties to the mid seventies it had no sense of time, or place. You could probably write a, Martina Cole sized, book on all the errors that popped up. Soho seemed to be one street and it almost felt like the characters were going to burst into song as they wandered along. Sadly Alan Cumming, as previously mentioned done up like Widow Twanky, did sing quite a bit.Thank Heaven for the fast forward, plus 6 did the job nicely.

The plot twisted and turned like a Roman road. I can't believe any viewer wasn't at least three steps ahead. Earlier in the week I commented on how excellently In Treatment was acted. Well this was the anti In Treatment. Even first rate, solid actors like Ken Stott chewed up the scenery like he was being paid by the word.

If they start giving out BAFTAs for woeful, over the top, shambles look out for The Runaway to be a top contender.

Over

Modern Family- Jay is a happy Al Bundy!

In a TV world where the only sitcoms we have on TV are repeats on comedy central with canned laughter and slapstick humor, Modern Family continues to lead the way as the best comedy on the TV.

Modern Family hit the ground running when it started last year, it was laugh out loud funny from the word go and even in the weakest episodes you are guaranteed to have at least one belly laugh. It continues to be the single best comedy on the TV and this is only backed up by the fact that no one has a bad word to say about it. In a world where the internet forum is king, it is hitting a high 9.2 on IMDB, which ranks it better then Friends, Frasier, Cheers and its new rival Raising Hope. If it continues to the high standard it has already set itself there’s no reason why Modern Family can’t go on to be the best comedy of the decade.

Whilst it can’t yet rank itself amongst the greats (what with it only being two series in) it does have something going for it that sets itself apart from sitcoms of the past and present; each character is funny. In a fairly large cast of 10 (let’s face it most comedies only have 6 characters at most) there isn’t one poor character. Some albeit are better than others, but all of them are strong in their own way. For me Phil, Cam and Manny are up there among the best, but my favourite character has to be Jay. This probably has a lot to do with the fact I have a soft spot for Married with Children. To me Jay is just a happy Al Bundy who has finally left Peg, won the lottery and married the women he always dreamt of. Ed O Neil is as good in this as he was in Married with Children. Despite the fact there is a 23 year gap between the start of the two shows and making Ed O Neil considerably older then he was when Married With Children started, he still continues to be one of the best comedy actors (if not the best) on TV at the moment.

Everyone wants to be apart of the show meaning there are a handful of guest appearances in each series, and despite a dodgy cameo from Matt Dillion (easily the weakest one so far) they fail to compromise the shows integrity or high standards. Lady Gaga recently said she would love to appear on Modern Family but thankfully that idea was quickly rebuffed. This isn’t a show that needs guest appearances from flash in the pan pop stars to gain ratings or laughs and that’s what makes it so good. Shows like Will and Grace that were perfectly good on their own merit got bogged down in celebrity appearances, everyone from Madonna to Cher was on Will and Grace and it didn’t matter one bit if they couldn’t act or it didn’t fit in with the story line. Glee is another good example, someone only has to mention the show and Ryan Murphy has him or her in the next episode or has Lea Michele belting out on of their hits by the end of the season. Modern Family doesn’t need to go down this route and nor should it ever have to.

Modern Family keeps getting stronger and stronger and I for one love it. Let’s hope it stays this way and can stay on the air for a very long time, hopefully as long as Married with Children!

There's no business like... Louie Spence's Show Business.

Watching Louis Spence's Show Business last night, I was reminded of the old Woolworth's CD bargain bins. When the bin was first put out it was full of good, exciting stuff all proudly sitting on top. But as the weeks went by just the remnants remained. Unloved, unsellable and covered in reduced price stickers, I often wondered what was the ultimate fate of those unwanted items? Well I got that same feeling last night. Louis Spence's Show business is that three quarter empty bin.

But, something odd has happened, these days crazed talent agent Colin Evans seems to have hijacked the show. Louis himself has faded into the background. Evans, much like Woody Allen's Danny Rose, is an unflappable optimist as he touts his deeply third rate acts. Last night we were treated to a stuntman sitting in a bath of vindaloo for four hours in an attempt to break a world record, which no one else could be bothered to attempt. Colin was very excited, the viewing public not so. Also Colin now represents David Van Day and his wife, who go under the name of Rich and Famous. The irony is only lost on them. But I feel this is only a set up of the show. Even David Van Day wouldn't sink this low, right? That's what I thought, until I saw the launch of their new single at the Hard Rock Cafe. It had to be seen to be believed. The bargain bin was being scraped and more reduced stickers applied.

We were also treated to large doses of Andrew Stone. The world's most joyously sincere and deluded man. He’s now famous because of this and Pineapple Dance Studios. A weird turn of events, which even Andrew seems to struggle with. In his mind he should be bigger than Take That, Coldplay and God rolled into one. Plus, we were also served up the decade’s most embarrassing piece of television, as Stone serenaded a fourteen-year-old mega fan at a Starman acoustic concert. Singing George Michael to the poor girl, she clutched a parent’s hand and looked like she wanted to disappear into the sofa. Much like everyone watching.

There are only two more shows left in the series, but you feel that Colin Evans Show Business is just around the corner. Then, I feel, the bargain bin should be taken away.

Over

Book Em Danno - Hawaii 5-0

The new revamp of Hawaii 5-0 moves so fast it makes 24 look like Country File. The trouble is, in their haste, they left any semblance of a plot behind. What it boiled down to was that after a massive gun battle, helicopters, explosions and upended trucks, Steve McGarrett (Alex O'Louglin ) has come to Hawaii to bury his father, who was executed by the villain of the piece who is played by James Marster's with an Irish accent (call me a Buffy purest, but he never looks right to me without blond hair and a long coat)

Before his dad is cold, Steve is pounced upon to start some sort of elite task force. Why? I don't know. Anyway red tape must be a thing of the past in Hawaii, because he gets sworn in over the phone and he can now hunt down his father's killers legally. All this is done at break neck speed. It has taken me longer to write it. First Steve recruits Chin Ho, Lost's Daniel Dae Kim, who still looks lost and who can blame him. Next up McGarrett gets tangled up with cop Danny (book 'em Danno) Williams, played by Scott Caan, who looks about one foot seven tall and one foot seven wide. At first they don't get along, Shocker. Another problem is the banter between them; it's just not snappy enough, but they become pals; mainly due to the fact they shoot everyone they see. If Hawaii Five -0 is to be believed, Hawaii is bereft of Hawaiians but jam-packed with semi automatic weapons. It's like they ask someone the time and they pull an AK-47. McGarrett's crack squad is completed by Chin's cousin, a surfer babe who turns out to be none other than Battlestar Gallactica's Boomer. She emerges from the waves, bikini clad and she doesn't wear much more for the rest of the show. Five gun battles later we reach the climax. James Marster’s is shot, but you don't see him die. Making you think he'll be back. But will most of the viewers? We get the obligatory " Book 'em Danno, " and thankfully it’s over.

The original show is too seldom seen these days to make a comparison. But this revamp really doesn't look too promising at the moment. Over.