Poundland of Terror part 3

A young child screams uncontrollably, an old woman moans, and some idiot says, "How much is this?" Yes, it's the return of Poundland of Terror. I'm here to tell you what I have found lurking behind the thousands of Anthony from Big Brother's 70's Workout DVDs.

First up, the deadly dull Perfect Creature. The film is set in some sort of futuristic alternative Dickensian type universe. ( Yeah, I know ) A place of urchins, airships, and vampires, known as the Brothers. The Brothers are looked upon as benevolent, superior beings and then one day, wouldn't you know it, one goes rogue and starts spreading some blood virus, I was a little too bored to really understand what it was supposed to do. But it was a virus, I got that much. Anyway, he is hunted by a vaguely driven police detective (Saffron Burrows) and an enigmatic Brother, as if these dudes need to get any more enigmatic. He is played by Dougray Scott, who is usually quite good, but here his entire performance consists of him cocking his head and uttering monosyllabic nonsense. The whole film is an over stylised, Underworld tinged, arse numbing, bore fest that made me wonder why I wasted a whole pound on it.

Next on the conveyor belt is Welcome to the Jungle. Done in the Blair Witch sty-le it is the story of four idiots who go in search of missing multimillionaire Michael Rockefeller. Rockefeller was supposed to have disappeared in the jungles of New Guinea back in 1961, never to be seen again. So our moronic quartet set off to solve the mystery and get a reward. The film is a slow burner, concentrating more on the fears, and stupidity, of the characters. This makes the mayhem, when it does happen, and it does happen, all the more frightening. I liked it and it won't be making the trip to the charity shop.

Unlike WAZ, which is already nestling on the shelf of the local Oxfam. It is an object lesson in how to waste a decent cast. Stellan Skarsgard, Melissa George, and Tom Hardy, yes that Tom Hardy, all wander around looking lost in this Saw meets Seven tosh. They should call these knock offs Sawvens, then we would all know to avoid them.

Last up is The Lodger, where someone is copying the killings of Jack the Ripper in modern day LA. But, before you moan and wander away, this is a good, well acted thriller. The cast including Alfred Molina, Hope Davis, and Simon Baker play it very straight faced and there are some neat nods to Hitchcock. All in all worth a pound of any one's money.

Over