Poundland of Terror Part 2

Yet again I have scoured the Poundlands and 99p emporiums to bring you some of the horrors that lurk behind the old fishing and faded celeb workout DVDs.

First off today is Open Graves, a kind of Jumanji meets Final Destination, with a hint of Hellraiser thrown in for good measure. A group of American surfers in Spain, are given an old board game, Mamba, which was made from the skin and bones of a witch who was tortured and killed by the Spanish Inquisition. Yeah, I think we've all played one of those of a dull Christmas day afternoon. Needless to say if you die in the game you die in real life. That's about it. Proceedings are livened up, a little, by the presence of geek Goddess Eliza Dushku, but other than that it's pretty forgettable. If you don't feel like enduring the film watch the trailer, all the best bits are in it and it gives the end away.

A bit better is Trailer Park of Terror, which starts off as a revenge tale, as Norma witnesses the death of her boyfriend at the hands of a bunch of trailer park bullies. Then, with the help of the Devil, country star Trace Adkins, goes on a shotgun rampage. Curiously the tone changes and the rest of the film becomes a slasher as a group of 'troubled' high-school students, and their teacher, wind up in the titular Trailer Park of Terror, now inhabited by the zombies of Norma and all those she murdered. Don't ask me how. It is supposed to be based on a comic book, but isn't everything these days.

Let's finish with the worst 30 Days of Night: Dark Days. A dreadful sequel to, well, 30 Days of Night, another comic book adaptation. It makes for sad viewing, because I like the first film a lot. There should be a law against these shoddy follow ups. This is every bit as bad as those Starship Troopers sequels. Thankfully Melissa George had the good sense to give this a wide berth. So the unimpressive Kiele Sanchez now plays the role of Stella as she goes around doing 'show and tells' about what happened in the first film. In LA she gets involved with a bunch of vampire hunters (yea I know) and goes after the queen who was behind the destruction of Barrow. Or I think that's what it is about. I really lost interest long before the frankly very silly ending. If you see this on the Pounland / 99p Store shelf, get the faded celeb workout DVD instead.

I'm starting to think these horrors for a quid are a bit of a false economy, but I'll crack on. At least you get a cheery smile from the person in the charity shop, as you donate them, well until they open the bag that is.

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