Strictly - Clunky Jokes and Facial Expressions.

I thought Strictly got off to a lumbering start, stretched over two nights nobody seemed to shine, well with the possible exception of Jason Donovan. But usually, sad as it sounds and boy does it sound sad, I kind of find myself rooting for one couple. Good, bad, or indifferent they seem to stand out on pure chemistry alone. This year it didn't happen. There just seemed to be one great blob of dancing, and I don't mean Russell Grant, although he was part of the blob. Really it was a night of weird facial expressions, from Audley Harrison's rictus grin to Rory Bremner's serial killer smile. So for entertainment we had to look elsewhere. And as usual, it didn't come from Brucie's jokes. Clunky and embarrassing, in equal measure, I really don't know how the drummer can resist providing one of those rim shots after every 'punchline' Another problem with Brucie's jolly japes is that it eats into the time the judges get, so we miss comments just so we can shake our heads at another lame duck joke. Plus, try as he might, Bruce just can't get a catchphrase going.

So let's move onto the judges, how are they fairing this season? Not too bad really. While the well reported histrionics of the X Factor panel smacks of American wrestling, the Strictly mob do it for real. Len has elevated curmudgeonly into an art form, while Craig's over the top pronunciations have entered everyday speech. Then there is Bruno, who acts like he's just had a Red Bull intravenous drip on top of two gallons of coffee, amidst this attention deficit disorder fest Alesha sits there, perfectly competent and unfeasibly stunning. But I still, kind of, in a way, miss Arlene if only because of the titanic four way rows that would erupt. At times you thought they would all disappear, under the desk, in a mad, slapstick flurry of punches, kicks, and gouges.

Despite all my gripes, I suppose proceedings start in earnest on Saturday when the voting gets going. Let's just hope the Results show isn't Tess and Claudia again. They really didn't seem to get along, last season, as they embarked upon a massive bout of 'who is the star here?"

Over