As yet another series of Geordie Shore rolls in I start to feel you need a crash cart for your soul just to watch it. This time the novel twist, a la Cancun, is that our confederacy of dunces will work as, well, sort of, Butlins Redcoats for European hen and stag weekends. For work substitute do what they usually do.
It's not really about a group of average Geordie's anymore, it's about a group of professional reality TV stars, and I use the term stars in its loosest term. The only thing required of them is that they must not change and never deviate from the script. Naive idiot that I am, I used to think that all our heroes said was off the cuff, but one look at Scott and you know full well it is all written down and he even follows it to the letter by saying, about his trip to Amsterdam, that he always wanted to go to Germany. But then this is a man who would struggle in an intelligent conversation with two goats and a horse.
Although there are signs that James could be going the way of Jay, he seems to be getting too old for this s#!t. So really is Vicki, but she is much too savvy to depart this cash cow before it is fully bled and the carcass slung in a pit. The whole 'celebrity couple' thing with Rikki seems as authentic as someone on the Big Reunion saying we are not doing this for the money.
The Charlotte and Gaz thing is exactly the same, in fact they don't really need to be in it, we could quite easily make up their lines ourselves; because they never change. Despite all her parsnip protestations we all know how it will end. So what of the lesser characters? Well Holly still only has the pining over James story line, Sophie is just there until her, Popeye shaped, boyfriend, Joel turns up prompting bulldog chewing a wasp looks from Vicki. And as for Dan, what do you mean you don't know who Dan is? He's the one who... who... Who is Dan?
While we know we are destroying our souls by watching Geordie Shore we just can't stop our fingers putting it on series link.
Over
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