Shayne Wayne : A Major Signing.

Following his scathing and controversial rap, about the demise of BBC Three, we are pleased to announce Armchair Assassins has signed Shayne Wayne to an exclusive contract. Yet again confirming our status as the total Shiznit.
If you have been on Mars, or a  weekend break somewhere, you might not know who Shayne Wayne is. In short he is the real deal. But Shayne Wayne wasn't always 100% street. He was born Troillus Brucie-Bonus and grew up in leafy Berkshire ( The Berk as Shayne Wayne called it in his epic rap of the same name). But he soon realised private schools and dating minor Royals was not for him. Shayne's Epiphany came when he saw a Wu Tang Clan tribute act at his local village hall. The way they seamlessly melded family members with profane language turned the young man's head. So telling his Hedge Fund Manager father to "Get Bent", Shayne headed to London. At first he had to slum it in his Uncle's unfurnished two bedroom flat in Knightbridge. But soon Shayne came to see the seamier side of life and gave voice to the inequalities around him. His stunning debut was the searing "Me Don Like De Starter's At De Ivy Anymore". Which hit home so hard that the menu was subsequently changed at that respected restaurant. His anger at not getting invited to Zara Phillips wedding was what really imprinted Shayne Wayne on the National psyche. His rant against his exclusion was banned right across the board and has never been heard or published anywhere. A voice of his generation, Shayne Wayne has seldom taken his finger off the pulse of the zeitgeist. Which has brought us to his stunning rap on the death of BBC Three, which we exclusively gave to you. Sadly it was so near the knuckle Shayne Wayne lost the opportunity to make a short film on BBC Three. It was to be called "There Be No Caviar On Me Council Estate" and star Michael Fassbinder and that girl off Hollyoaks. But thankfully the BBC's loss is our gain.