Shayne Wayne Gets Our New Banking Venture Going!

When we first started out Armchair Assassins was nothing more than a TV review site. But since our humble beginnings we have burgeoned into a somewhat middling (ish )  corporation. We now have a mildly exploitative Television channel, a thriving funeral business and several insurance and betting scams, err, companies up and running. But now we are moving into the biggest racket of them all banking. The Armchair Assassins Building and Loan will soon be open for business. We paid a fortune to consultants and they told us building and loan sounds friendlier than a bank.
"Well yes," we told the over-paid idiots. "we've see It's A Wonderful Life too."
They also informed us we would need a pretentious poet to deliver our mission statement. Well we had that covered with our very own Shayne Wayne. So here he is with the introduction to the Armchair Assassins Building and Loan.

Please note this should be read with a reasonably rousing bit of Elgar, or over poppy hip-hop in the background. Or preferably both.

*At the Armchair Assassins Building and Loan we know money ain't every 'ting,
'Cos there's walking football, urban gardens, and learning how to sing.
We are honest and true, no we will never fiddle our stats,
We're cute little kitten not nasty fat cats.
Our rates are so good you will never ever grouse
But please pay us back or we'll have to take your house.
We are so caring you can see just how much our love for you flows
So please, please, please, please, please, please don't force us to foreclose.
We are so forward thinking it makes me want to cry,
Who knows we might even bring back PPI.

Wow, I think you will agree Shayne Wayne has hit the perfect note as usual. So lift up that mattress, empty that sock drawer and give us all your money now.

*All of what Shayne Wayne says might well not be Building and Loan policy. In fact its probably not.