Sky 1 Touch.

Would you accept The Chuckle Brothers as a pair of high flying corporate lawyers, would you accept Ray Winstone as Lord Snootingbury in the new series of Downton Abbey and would you accept Kiefer Sutherland as a caring father of an autistic Savant? Of course you wouldn't. But that's what we got with Kiefer Sutherland in Touch. OK, you have to commend him for not doing another Jack Bauer, but the only times we really like a touchy, feely Kiefer Sutherland is when he has his hands around someones throat or he is tazering their nads.

Touch, from the creator of Heroes, as Sky like to boast; but to most right thinking people that isn't something you really want to shout about, is the story of a father and his autistic son who instead of speaking just jots down endless streams of numbers. But these numbers mean something, they are a road map, clues to the fates of certain characters. For instance in the first episode the kid's numbers related to a suicide bomber who disarms his device because someone in a call centre gets him an oven; a father whose daughter died and he had the last pictures of her on his missing phone and a lottery winner destined to save a bus full of kids. And all brought together by the 'road map' numbers. Throw in a ranting Danny Glover and plot holes the size of the Grand and you have the perfect recipe for turkey stew.

Here's another number, 1 the number of episodes I'll ever watch of Touch.

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