Speaking as an extra terrestrial we are Zabadak of the Zumba, yes I know we do love a Z name, we would like to complain about last night's documentary Confessions of an Alien Abductee on your earthling station Channel 4. We found the show to be, as you call it, snidey. We felt that the three main subjects were not believed and treated badly. These were not damaged, vulnerable people to be ridiculed and laughed at like your earthling show Britain's Got Talent, everything they said was true.
Weird haired Chantelle really has been abducted thousands of times. And like she said it does seem to happen most when she is having Kentucky Fried Chicken, that's because we love KFC try getting any in Alpha Sentori, forget about it. Plus we only abducted her 24 year old son Dominic so we could watch his Xena Warrior Princess box set. It was good fun, but we must admit we liked the earlier seasons best.
And as for Marie, who thought we had tampered with her DNA, well of course we did, that's how we roll.You don't think we bring you earthlings up to the Mothership (we are currently hovering over Barnsley at this moment) just to eat KFC and watch Xena do you, OK we do but we also have a job to do.
I felt special scorn was saved up for Whitby Labour Councilor Simon Parkes, who said he has an alien step mother and has fathered children with an extra terrestrial. Well of course he has, I've met his mother and a charming Zadek she is too. And as for his kids, he really doesn't see enough of those rambunctious little tykes to our mind.
If you Earthlings don't want to be abducted, do what everyone else in the Universe does, make a hat of tin foil, low tec, but boy does it work. For more information on us, forget that AMMACH shower from the show and listen to that wonderful Carpenters song Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft it really does say it all. OK we must be going now because we have to clean the anal probes and after all that KFC it can get a tad messy.
Nanu Nanu.
Zabadak.
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