If the BBC's carpet bomb coverage is to be believed, Glastonbury was great, every artist that played at Glastonbury was great and everyone who came through the gates of Glastonbury was great. To convey so much greatness, to us poor souls that could not go, the BBC needed great presenters to express the sheer greatness of this great event and boy did we get them.
The ever chirpy Lauren Laverne seemed to be shouldered with the head of the family role, as she cheerfully told us how great everything and everyone was. So it was up to the younger 'kids' to go out and about and show us Glastonbury is more than just the Pyramid Stage, but the more the BBC showed us of Glastonbury the more frightening it became. But at least we had honed, professional presenters to give us the, off the beaten track, flavour of the festival. There was Gemma Cairney who turned grinning silently into the camera into an art-form. But she did tell us that Glastonbury was her most favourite place in the whole wide world ever, ever, ever. Or words to that effect. Gemma even grinned as she informed us that she was getting the smells from the porta-loos. But hey this was Glastonbury crap, so it was probably greatest smelling crap in the world ever, ever, ever. Gemma was joined by Greg James, who I am sure we will next see in BBC Two's docu-drama David Cameron-The Early Years. Greg was all jolly hockey sticks, play with a straight bat, as he wandered the wastes of Glastonbury like a 19th century Victorian explorer.
For the big headlining events however, we needed the big guns, so Lauren ditched the kids and brought in avuncular Mark Radcliffe, who appeared to be like a cheerful old relative who is starting to go a little funny in the head. Mark waffles half sentences, noises, and nonsense like no one else on television, and that is saying something. All the while Lauren smiles and chirps, even when faced with the faded rock chick, serious persona of Jo Wiley, who was obviously around to add a little weight to the light proceedings. But the general consensus was still that everyone was great. If X Factor rejects Jedward and Wagner teamed up and did an hour on the Pyramid Stage, Jo, Mark and Lauren would've probably thought they were great and the crowd really appreciated them. Even with great weather and great everything else, our plucky team of presenters failed to convince us Glastonbury is not hell on earth, come back Zane Lowe all is forgiven.
Over
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