Due to our very close ties to the BBC, Armchair Assassins was given a sneak peek at the new series of BBC 2's flagship show The Great British Sewing Bee. Our top reporter was bound, blindfolded, and slung in a car boot to be sped away to a secret location. Here is his report.
The blindfold was pulled off and I found myself in a warm room, a bit too warm actually. Thankfully they provided me with a cup of tea. "You will now see episode one of The Great British Sewing Bee," a slightly menacing voice announced from somewhere behind me. I must admit I was a little excited, how on earth do you teach a bee to sew in the first place? And great seems an under statement, for such an achievement. The lights were turned off ;which made the room feel warmer for some reason. Well there was Claudia Winkleman, this was good because I hadn't seen her on television for a good twelve hours. She was flanked by some woman with a funny fringe and a bloke that looked like Lord Lucan, but I'm sure it wasn't him. Well then some saddoes started to make clothes, no sign of the bee and the warm room, and the darkness and the show itself made my eyes grow heavy and zzzzzzzzzzzzz, what they're making button holes must stay awak-zzzzzzzzzzz oh my tea's gone cold zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz oh no have I missed the bee zzzzzzzzzzzzz someones moaning about lapel size zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Well the next thing I knew I was thrown onto the pavement outside my house. But I can say with confidence that The Great British Sewing Bee is a show both narcoleptics and insomniacs can enjoy together. Well done BBC and I never even lowered myself to do any paint drying cracks.
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